Getting engaged is something many people dream about. As a girl that grew up watching Disney princes and princesses fall in love, I have been thinking about getting married to the one I love since I was six. And, as the sun was setting on August 30th 2018, my boyfriend of two years got down on one knee and asked me to be his wife. With no hesitation, I said YES.
The days afterwards were a blur of celebration, congratulations and the beginnings of making plans. As the dust settled and we began to look to the future, we started to learn a lot about ourselves, each other and our relationship. Here are five things we have learnt since being engaged:
1. Compromise is going to happen. This is something that we have learnt over time, but it has become more obvious since being engaged. Andy and I are two different people who are going to have conflicting ideas and opinions at some point in our lives – and that includes wedding plans. At first, Andy and I could not agree on when to get married. We sat down together and talked out our ideas and worries with potential wedding dates. In the end we agreed a date, but it did involve compromising what we both wanted. Compromise isn’t something that is bad, but an opportunity to work together to create something great. We will be working on compromising together for the rest of our lives.
2. Communication is key. I cannot emphasis this one enough, for anyone engaged, married or otherwise. In the digital-obsessed world we live in, it could be concluded that communication is easy. In any sort of relationship, I believe it takes work. It is so important that we tell each other when we are mad, upset, sad and why – especially when these emotions have been invoked by the other person. How would we get to know what triggers these emotions in people without talking about them? On the other hand, it’s also SO important to celebrate each other’s happiness and excitement.
3. Make time for each other away from wedding preparations. As soon as we were engaged, Andy and my conversations were dominated by comments like, “So I’ve thought about the venue…”, “How many bridesmaids and groomsmen are we having?” and “What do you think about blue and pink as a colour scheme?” A couple of weeks into being engaged, we reflected back and realised we hadn’t spoke about anything but the wedding. Getting married is such an exciting thing that it is so easy to talk about it all day long (trust me – I’m driving everyone mad). However, it is so important that, as a couple, you make time for each other that doesn’t involve any conversation about the big day. We still need to talk about our lives and have a laugh along the way.
4. Hold on to your own identities. I have become very aware of this recently. As I said earlier, Andy and I are two different people. We have different interests, different opinions on some matters of life and different music taste (mine is obviously superior). This doesn’t mean we disagree on everything, and it doesn’t mean we don’t love each other very much. Andy is a massive part of me, but he doesn’t define who Sophie Marshman is. Similarly, I don’t define who he is. We always aim to help each other become better versions of ourselves and challenge each other, which will happen more as our lives become more intertwined, but we don’t want to lose who we are along the way.
5. Marriage isn’t all about you. For Andy and I, marriage is about so much more than us; it is about worshipping a God we both love and serve. He is everything to both of us, and we have discovered that we want our marriage to serve as a way of glorifying everything that God is and everything that He has created. Within our marriage, we want to show God’s love everyday through how we act and what we do.
It feels as if we have learnt so much in the past two months, but I know we have so much more to learn and that will continue for the rest of our lives. Bring on the crazy, hectic rollercoaster ride of life together!
Written by Sophie Marshman